The Fifth Commandment: Obedience, Part II

I thought this piece would be appropriate to post on Mother's day.

If you are a child still living at home, this post is for you to think on.

Do you find yourself frequently at odds with your mother?

More often than not, on days when you spend most of your time at home, do you have at least one argument with your mother?

Does your mother come after you and nag you because she thinks you haven't done what you're supposed to?

Does your mother trust you?  "She ought to" doesn't count.  Does your mother actually trust you?  Does she trust you to make wise choices on how to use your time?  Does she trust you to make wise choices in your friendships?

Think about these questions.  Examine yourself.

If you are constantly arguing with your mother -- stop.  Stop arguing.  You are not supposed to argue with your mother.  Every time you do, you are wearing her out.  Every time you open your mouth to contradict her judgment, you are dishonoring her.

Submit to your mother, and do as she says, when she says.  And, lest you find yourself disobeying God, obey your mother without complaining or arguing, as the apostle Paul wrote to the Philippians:

"Do everything without grumbling or disputing, so that you may prove yourselves to be blameless and pure, children of God above reproach in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation."  -- Phillipians 2:14-15

Perhaps you are thinking, "But my mother argues with me!  Even if I don't say a word, she'll ask me to do something and then give me a bunch of reasons why and make it sound like an argument.  She's so unpleasant when she comes to me and tells me to do something."

Do you know why that is?  It's because you have spent your childhood arguing with her and figuring out how to not obey her, or at least not obey her completely.  So when she comes to you she anticipates that you will try to get out of what ever she wants you to do, or not do it right away.  You have given yourself a reputation.

"Even a child is known by his actions, by whether his conduct is good and right." -- Proverbs 20:11

Your mother talks to you this way because you have given her reason, by your conduct, to not trust you to obey her.

This is not something to be defensive about.  This is something that should bring you to your knees in godly sorrow.

If you find yourself at odds with your mother, you need to make it right.  Own up to your sin.  Humble yourself before God, and confess your sin to Him.  Then -- and this will be hard -- humble yourself before your mother and ask her for her forgiveness.

The Fifth Commandment:Obedience, Part I

I've been thinking a lot about the fifth commandment lately.

"Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the Lord your God gives you."  -- Exodus 20:12

The Apostle Paul elaborates on it here:

"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.  Honor your father and mother (which is the first commandment with a promise),  so that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth." -- Ephesians 6:1-3

One of the reasons I've been thinking about this is that over the last decade, as I have observed my own family (my parents, myself and my siblings) as well as other families, I have become more and more aware of the difference it makes when a young man or a young woman takes this verse seriously.  And I've decided to write about it in case you find yourself at odds with this commandment -- in hopes that I can spare you from sowing disobedience in your life and reaping bitterness and sorrow in the years to come.

I have never seen a perfect parent, and I have never seen a perfect son or daughter.  What I have seen, though, is this:

• I have seen parents who don't care very much what their kids are doing, and assume that they will grow up to be Christians because they go to church, and maybe even receive a Christian education at a private Christian School.
• I have seen parents who try to be intentional in teaching their children the ways of God, and try to cultivate godly habits in themselves and their children.
• I have seen sons and daughters that try to please their parents, and generally don't pursue courses of action that displease their mother or father.
• I have seen sons and daughters who express utter disregard and contempt (sometimes grumpily, sometimes with care-free cheer) for whatever rules their parents set in place.

 I want to take a moment and speak directly to those of you who find yourselves in frequent conflict with you parents.  Odds are, your parents are of the second kind: they care about what you are doing.  They have tried to be intentional in how they raised you.  And most likely, they have put some family rules in place.  And you don't like some of these rules.  I can think of a lot of rules that I have seen, that either I (when I still lived at home and was younger) or others objected to, and disobeyed to see if they (or I) could get away with it (and often did, because sometimes your parents really do not want to confront you).  Here are just some examples:

• No wearing headphones or ear buds in the house.  Your parents probably don't want you secretly listening to certain kinds of music, or even more basically just isolating yourself in your own world while you live in the same space with everyone else.
• Limits on media.  Your parents know that too much media isn't good for you, and that too much media in the house is detrimental to the dynamics of living together as a family.
• Dressing certain ways.  Most likely, your parents don't want you dressing immodestly, and dressing respectfully and appropriately when you go places (like wearing something nicer than jeans and a hoodie to church).
• Banning (or generally disproving) certain kinds of music.  And yes, sometimes this includes music that is "Christian", but your parents object to it because it is rock or rap.
• Encouraging certain friendships, and discouraging other friendships.  Believe it or not, your parents can detect bad attitudes in other kids your age that you are completely blind to (most likely, you have the same attitude problems and your sinful nature is looking for confirmation).  Your parents' judgment is actually far more advanced than yours.  The likelihood that their judgment of your friends is wrong and yours is right, is remote.
• "Scruples" about relationships with other young adults of the opposite sex.

The basic point here is that when your parents make rules, and they tell you the reasons they make these rules, and you don't like their reasons -- it doesn't matter.  When your parents make rules, it is your duty before God to obey them while you live under their roof unless either (1) the rule forbids something that God commands or (2) the rule commands something that God forbids -- in the case of both these exceptions, I'm willing to bet that 99 out of a hundred of you have never encountered them.

The bottom line: you need to obey your parents.  God commands you too.  Ask yourself: do you obey your parents?  Obeying them is about 75% of honoring them.  There are other aspects of honoring your parents as well, but if you can't even bring yourself to obey them while you live under their roof, then this is what you must first take care of.

I will post more thoughts on obedience in the upcoming days.